(Sung to the tune of "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park")
Gentlemen should please refrain
From flushing toilets while the train
Is standing in the station for a while.
We encourage contemplation
While the train is in the station,
Cross your legs and grit your
teeth and smile.
If you wish to pass some water
You should
sing out for a porter
Who will place a basin in the bog;
Tramps
and hoboes undeneath
Get it in the eye and teeth,
But that's what
comes from being underdog.
Drinking while the train is moving
Is another way of proving,
That control of eye and hand is sure;
We like our clients to be neat,
So please don't wet upon the seat,
Or, even worse, don't splash upon the floor.
If the Ladies' Room
be taken,
do not feel the least forsaken,
Never show the sign of
sad defeat,
Try the Gents across the hall,
and if some man has
felt the call
He'll courteously relinquish you his seat.
If
these efforts are in vain,
then simply break the window pane,
This novel method's used by very few,
We go strolling through the
park,
a-goosing statues in the dark
If Peter Pan can take it, why
can't you?