(Sung to the tune of "The Candy Man")
CHORUS: The S&M man,
The S&M man.
The S&M man,
'Cause he does it with love,
Makes
the hurt feel good,
The hurt feel good.
Who can take two
icepicks,
(ALL REPEAT)
And stick them in her ears?
(ALL REPEAT)
Rev her up like a Harley and drive her in the rear.
(THIS BEING
THE BASIC FORMAT, SING THE FOLLOWING VERSES.)
Who can take a
little boy,
And entice him into his car?
Fill 'm full of ludes and
let him loose in a gay bar.
Who can take some thumbtacks,
And
spread them on the floor?
Make'm dance barefoot 'till their feet are
bloody and sore.
Who can take a butcher knife,
And wave it to
and fro?
Cut off a little finger and see if it will grow.
Who
can take a chicken,
And spread its little legs?
Reach up inside
and pull out a dozen eggs.
Who can take a slingshot,
And two
coconuts?
Then bend you over and shoot 'em up your butt.